Anything but sarcastic.

I arrived at CFZ for my first day of coaching Friday back-to-back sessions only to find that the lock to the door was jammed. This has happened in the past. I quickly discovered that my key does not unlock the back door. Why not? I have no idea. I tried texting and phoning Michael Kelley, but he was fast asleep and had turned off his phone. I even texted Thomas, who was kind enough to go back home and attempt to wake up Michael Kelley’s sorry (yet still HUGE) ass. Fortunately, John, owner of the property, finally arrived and let us in. Thus, class didn’t begin until 6:07. Those of you who know me well know that I pride myself on time management. Given my awesomeness, I was still able to have everyone done with work and out the door by 7. I’m just that good. The 8:15 class started on time and ended 5 minutes early. Again, I’m just that good.

Today’s WOD consisted of front rack backward lunges, bent-over barbell rows, and “conditioning” of 2-minute row for maximum calories, 2 minutes to complete maximum number of double unders, maximum time holding handstand, and maximum time holding l-sit or l-hang. Yawn.

I chose to do my own thing. I set up the necessary equipment. Michael Kelley and his gravitational pull had arrived and he asked, “What are you doing today?” “Nunya,” I replied. “Oh, we’re doing that again. I can see that you’re doing toes through rings, med ball sit-ups, kettle bell dead-lifts, and lateral box jumps. How many reps?” “Nunya,” I replied. He said, “I guess I’ll just have to read about it later in your blog.”

20# medicine ball Abmat sit-ups
Toes through rings
52# KB dead-lifts
Lateral box jumps

I’ve grown tired of 21-15-9 as well as ladders, so I completed 35-25-15 for a change of pace – and a change of pace it was! Variety is the spice of life, folks.

Let’s see, sit-ups engage the abs, toes through rings engage the abs and are taxing (notice how I threw that word in there, Michael Kelley?) on the grip, KB dead-lift are also taxing on grip and engage the legs, and lateral box jumps most certainly engage the legs. That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you program a metcon. They’ll be a quiz at the end of this blog.

My goal was to break up no activity into more than 2 sets, and believe it or not this was quite a challenging, yet achievable, goal. Having not yet eaten breakfast, just getting through this was a struggle.

I completed all rounds of Abmat sit-ups unbroken. I have abs of steel. I let Sara touch them this morning. You’re welcome, Sara.

I completed toes through rings and KB dead-lifts in reps of 20 & 15, 15 & 10, and unbroken. I completed lateral box jumps (damn, girl, these are difficult) in reps of 20 & 15, and remaining sets unbroken.

My total time was 15:51.

Paul: Nice haircut Alex.
Paul: I notice these things. Nice haircut, Alex. I mean it.
Alex: It’s sometimes hard to know whether or not you’re being sarcastic.
Paul: I’m not. Nice haircut.
(I retrieved my cup of now cold coffee.)
Paul: My coffee is cold. I love cold coffee.
Michael Kelley: You can heat it up in the microwave.
Paul: I just said that I love cold coffee. Why would I want to heat it?
Michael Kelley: I thought you were being sarcastic. It’s sometimes difficult to know whether or not you’re being sarcastic.
Paul: I’m not being sarcastic when I say that I like Alex’s haircut and I like cold coffee. You’re handsome,
Michael Kelley. Now I’m being sarcastic.


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