Yoga and Gaga

I may not be my usual witty (and stunningly handsome) self today. It’s my damn blog, so I can discuss any topics of my choosing.

I have coached 4 sessions since my last post, and these are my sins.

While driving to CFBC this morning I realized that the scheduled WODs at CFD and CFBC were quite similar. As I was going to be coaching at CFD, I made the last-minute decision to attend the 6:15am session there. So last-minute that I had to change lanes.

Jack, perhaps my all-time favorite coach, led the session, and the focus was on the push jerk. Jack did a very nice job of reviewing form, and using the movements of the push jerk during the warm up. While my counterparts (including Paul K., Michelle, Craig, Troie, and Lexy) completed 5 sets of 3 reps at 75% of 1RM, I worked up to a heavy set of 3 reps of split jerks, i.e., the scheduled strength at CFBC.

Split Jerk

Having successfully completed 5 reps @135# just last week, I set my goal at bodyweight. Uhm, about that… I weighed myself today, and I’ve gained a pound! Gah! I can no longer say I weight a buck forty-three, as I now weigh a buck forty-four. It’s worth repeating: Gah!

I recorded all sets, and Jack either observed set or reviewed recording. He reminded my to bend my back knee. Specifically, he said, “Your back leg is too straight.” Then he realized that he sounded gaycist and he apologized. Apology accepted, Jack. I completed sets @ 95, 105, 115, & 135. Lifts felt relatively good; however, I was quite nervous this morning, knowing that Jack was observing my form and looking to see if I had improved. This impeded my performance, as I was all up inside my head, yo. As I was making many last-minute decisions, I put 2, 10# plates on the ends of the bar. That’s 155#! And, while not the prettiest split jerks, all reps “counted”. Do you think I can push jerk 175#? Do you? Do you?

I’m going to wax and wane philosophical, so you might just want to scroll to the conditioning.

I’m a different person now than when I first joined CFD, and I don’t mean that I’m stronger, fitter, faster, blah, blah, blah. I used to be, shall I say, hyper-competitive. I used to (and admittedly still somewhat still do) like trash-talking. When Jack began to talk about the metcon, a certain someone made remarks about me going down. Yes, I know he was kidding. Yes, I know it’s all in good fun. But there was a little truth to the remark nonetheless, and I’ve gotten very tired of having a target on my back. I’ve mentioned this on numerous previous occasions, so I’ll leave it at that. I honestly tried to ignore the remarks (back me up on this, Jack), but I did partake in some trash-talking.

While I’m waxing and waning, I’ll take this opportunity to discuss my aspirations from my own CrossFit box. I know that some consider CrossFit nothing more than a glorified group fitness class. I won’t take this opportunity to argue. Having attended group fitness sessions at globo gyms, my own observation, for the most part, is that at a CrossFit session most if not all people know – and generally like – each other. Where the hell am I going with this? I’m going down a twisted path. Follow along if you so choose, or scroll to the conditioning.

I do not like as an athlete or as a coach when others are working out while the session is being held, i.e., doing their own strength or conditioning. I’m not saying that this shouldn’t happen, I’m just saying that I personally don’t like it. (I began to provide examples but deleted content. Just so you know.) I find it very distracting, for if a person drops the barbell to the ground it’s going to make a loud sound – and draw the attention of everyone. There have also been numerous occasions when I’ve had to repeat myself, as the sound of the dropping barbell was louder, obviously, than the sound of my very loud voice.

And that’s just the auditory distraction, which of course I’d notice first. Let’s not forget about the visual distraction as well.

I can only imagine how distracting it is to hear me coaching if you are also attempting to coach another session, carry on a conversation with a fellow athlete, etc. I know that I’m very loud. Aimee Mann may have been referring to me when she sang that classic song from the 80s.

Whew, I’m somewhat done ranting and raving, hemming and hawing, waxing and waning.

Conditioning (Finally!)
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
Handstand pushups
Chest to bar pull-ups

I’ve done enough f@cking HSPUs in the recent past, and for that reason alone perhaps I should’ve gone to CFBC. Dammit.

That’s 55 total HSPUs and CTB pull-ups. Dammit.

As I had a good inkling that things were going to fall apart rather quickly, I at least set realistic goals, namely to do the first 10 HSPUs strict and unbroken and to do all CTB pull-ups unbroken.

I did indeed complete the first 10 HSPUs strict and unbroken, the round of 9 in reps of 5 & 4, and then things fell apart. I was often doing 1 rep at a time, and I failed 5 or more reps. I just couldn’t, well, push myself up! Dammit.

CTB pull-ups went better, and all rounds were unbroken accept the round of 8 that I completed in reps of 6 & 2. And I had no reason to drop from the bar after 6 reps. Dammit.

I failed to record my time, but I think it was a very slow 13:50. Dammit.

What if you weren’t invited to a party but attended anyhow? That’s what I did this morning. Ashley led the 7:15am session of Boot Camp, and as I had to wait until 8:30 to coach I decided – at the last minute – to attend. Thanks for graciously allowing me to do so, Ashley!

The rope of my jump rope is too short. Dammit.

2 rounds for calories and reps
Tabata row
Hand release pushups
Rest 1 minute between rounds

I rowed 27 calories and completed 58 HRPUs the first round and rowed 30 calories and completed 51 HRPUs the second round for a total of 57 calories and 109 HRPUs.

That’s 113 pushups (HSPUs + HRPUs) total.

Held plank
3, 30-second held planks with 30-second rest between planks

I held for the entire 5:30, alternating 30-second planks on hands and forearms. Because I can.

About all of that coaching I’ve been doing lately. As Rich has come down with a cold, I coached the 6 and 7pm sessions at CFD last night, and as usual had a tremendously fun time doing so. I coached Amy, Rona, and Jamelle – and that’s reason enough to enjoy being there!

Another aside, if you please. I sometimes wonder, not out of insecurity but out of curiosity, how some of the BIG guys perceive my coaching. You know who you are, so I won’t name names. You probably don’t read this blog, now that I think about it. What was I talking about? Oh, the BIG guys. I do not ignore any of them, I do provide very specific coaching, and I do also provide support and encouragement. I don’t think that my coaching is ignored or dismissed, and a few of the BIG guys have even thanked me after a session. What was I talking about?

I coached the 8:30am session at CFD this morning, and Tom, Dave (I won’t refer to him as a soft-tittied douche bag today), and (wait for it… wait for it… wait for it…) Amy Freaking Scott attended the session. I saw Amy two times in a span of 14 hours. How awesome is that? As I often do, I incorporated yoga into the warm up and cool down. As it was my first time coaching Tom I said, “I’m that ‘yoga’ coach. I will also include yoga in the warm up or cool down. Don’t I, Amy?” Amy replied, “Yes, yoga. And Gaga. Yoga and Gaga.”

Is it any wonder that I love her so?

I also had the pleasure of coaching the 11:45 am session at CFZ this morning (although I’m still not quite sure why I was asked to do so). Angela, Colleen, Heather, Kathleen, Mandi , Michael R., Paul A., and Tom L. attended, and just about everyone achieved a front squat PR. Congrats! Even to you, Paul A.

Dear Aunt Mandi,

Thank you for the toy! Daddy said you gave it to me because I’m so damn cute. He said that. I’m not allowed to swear, but he is. Dammit.




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