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Time seems to pass very quickly when you’re doing something that you enjoy, and time moved exceedingly quickly this morning. Kirk was kind enough to allow me to coach the 6 and 7am sessions at CFBC, and I then attended the 8am session.

Given how much work was to be completed this morning, I only spent about 10 minutes focusing on mobility, including shoulder and hip stretches. I next reviewed the skills and had each athlete row, climb, and complete a few hand release pushups and hand release dead-lifts.

Again, I always enjoy coaching but sometimes wonder how the athletes that I usually work out with, e.g., Eric, Kirsten, Daryl, and Michelle perceive me. I know I have a tendency to over-coach, and I may have done so during the 7am session…

Nikki (!), Alexis (!), Chris, Kris, and Martin attended the 7am session. Alexis is tall. Nikki is short. Kris completed her first rope climb. Chris bled though his jeans. Martin struggled with the dead-lifts during the second and third rounds, and I was bound and determined that he wasn’t going to waste time pondering each and every rep during the last rounds. I considered lowering the weight for the fourth round but instead was on him like white on rice. Yes, like white on rice. White. On rice. “Hands on the bar, Martin. No turning away from the bar, Martin. One rep after the other, Martin.” He completed the fourth round of dead-lifts much more quickly than the previous rounds, so I decided to let him keep the weight on the bar – but to encourage him to do the last round quickly. Again, I was on him like white on rice, and I didn’t let him stop until he had completed 5 dead-lifts. He completed the last 4 relatively quickly, so I was pleased.

Uhm, yeah, so if you’re reading this, Martin, I apologize if I pushed you too hard. Why do I think I pushed you too hard, you ask? Because not only did you spend a considerable amount of time sprawled on the floor post-WOD, you also closed your eyes and appeared to be napping. Let me know if I need to ease up, and I will. True story.

Kirk, I was able to do a cool down with both groups. I’m just that good with time management.

Having just coached two groups through this very grueling WOD, I wasn’t very much looking forward to doing it myself. Julia was the only other person at the 8am session, and that was reason enough to want to stay. “Jules” is awesomeness incarnate wrapped in a bow with matching clothes. Alexis, you could learn something from Jules about matching your outfits. Or me. Learn from me.

Josh led the 9am session and asked me to do the warm up and cool down. I don’t mind if I do, Josh!

5 rounds for time:
15 hand release pushups
9 dead-lifts, 225#
3 rope ascents, 15’
Row 500m between the 3rd and 4th rounds

I wore my Rebook Nanos so as to be able to ascend the rope more effectively. I’m pleased to say that the shoes provided much better grip than the Inov8s.

My goals were to do all HRPUs and HRDLs “unbroken”. Unbroken is in quotes for HRDLs because I did drop the bar after standing if for no other reason than to be like Nikki. Nikki also, like Julia, wears matching outfits. I also set a goal to row 500m in less than 2 minutes and to keep strokes/minute between 20 and 22. You wanna know what transpired? Read on.

Round 1
I quickly completed 15 unbroken HRPUs and 9 HRDLs. I can remember a time when 225# felt heavy. Not so today. I climbed the rope 3 times, resting between each and every climb. Having taped my leg and sock (i.e., I double bagged it), I didn’t feel too much pain. Guess what? I’m left-leg dominant. Isn’t that peculiar? I’m right-handed, although I draw and mouse-click with my left hand. I also wear my watch on my right arm. And lead with my left foot. There are certain things I do equally well with both hands. Get your minds out of the gutter! I use my utensils equally well with both hands.

But since we’re on the subject of my junk, I kinda sorta hurt my junk during the very first rope ascent. As soon as I descended I said, “I hurt my penis.” Josh said, “You should probably tape it, too. You’ll only need a small piece of tape.” Very funny, Josh. Your uppance shall come. Rope climbs were the most difficult if for no other reason that I’m so damn short. I did get the “hang” of things, and was able to ascend the rope with 3 pulls. Significant progress.

Rounds 2 and 3
Unbroken HRPUs and HRDLs and 3 ascents with a rest between each and every ascent. I also had to periodically adjust my junk.

500m row
I took my sweet old time getting on the rower, strapping in my feet, and then, well, rowing. I did keep pace at below 2:00/500m and strokes in the very low 20s. Josh even said, “Maybe your stroke rate is too low.” I’m not sure, however, if he was talking about my rowing.

Rounds 4 and 5
Unbroken HRPUs and HRDLs. Yes, unbroken. Sometimes I even amaze myself, and today was such a day. The rope ascents became a bit more difficult, and I sometimes needed an extra climb after the third pull. I did ensure that I touched the 15’ mark each and every time. Having completed 2 of the 3 ascents of the very last round, Josh said, “Time is 18:30.” I replied, “I’m not done yet.” “I know,” said Josh, “I’m just letting you know how much time has passed.” Someone (I think it may have been David) said, “See if you can finish in under 20 minutes.” Where have I heard that before, Kirk? I looked at the clock and when it read 18:50 I wrapped my left leg around the rope, positioned my right foot, jumped, and climbed. I touched the 15’ mark at 19:06, descended to the ground, and immediately said, “My penis hurts.” Because it did.

I was completely spent, and had to spend quite some time, a la Martin, gathering my thoughts and catching my breath.

Have I recently mentioned how much I love CrossFit? And coaching? And coaching CrossFit? Have I? Well, have I, Michael Kelley?


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