Triple Dipper

Much to blog about today, ladies and gentlemen and Michael Kelley.

I attended open gym at CFZ yesterday morning with the sole purpose of working on recently neglected overhead squat form. What I enjoyed even more than working on OHS was spending time with Timmy. Don’t tell Michael Kelley, but I plan on making Timmy my new CFBFF. Great job stringing together muscle-ups, Timmy! You’re welcome for the awesome coaching that I provided.

Back to me. I had planned on keeping the weight low and working only on form, but managed to achieve a new PR of 110# instead. That’s a 5# improvement. Michael Kelley observed and/or reviewed recordings to ensure that I squatted deeply enough. I failed two attempts @ 115# — and that’s okay.

Lal at Athletic Edge Sports Massage Therapy worked his magic on me yesterday. I see Lal on a monthly basis, and the man is a genius. Yes, a genius. He always asks me what my trouble spots are, and he always finds some that I wasn’t even aware of. At my request, I asked him to focus on my left shoulder. I said, “You have permission to make me cry.” While I didn’t cry, I did have an overwhelming desire to punch him in the throat. It hurt. It hurt reeeaaaaaal good.

Michael Kelley treated me to dinner last night as a way of apologizing for being such an asshole earlier in the week. Michael Kelley has very good table manners – except for the fact that he is a triple dipper. Yes, not just a double dipper, he’s a triple dipper. He would dip a chicken roll, take a bite, place the just chomped upon end into the dip once again, take another bite, and one last time place the chomped upon end into the dip. That’s just nasty, and that is why I didn’t eat any of the appetizers. I’m telling your mom, Michael Kelley.

Back to today. It was a full house, blah, blah, blah. It was nice to see Nicole H. at a 6am session! She’s a wonderful pornographer photographer, and took the posted pictures.

Today was all about Dynamic Effort. Given how heavy the lifts at times were and felt, many parts of the workout seemed like a metcon. In a show of protest, I wore my “CrossFit Zeal | Pursiuing Fitness” shirt inside-out.

We began by completing 3 x 5 kneeling jumps. And I liked them. I said, “My knees haven’t been this sore since I visited the Air Force.”

Dynamic Effort Lower

Box Squat
8×2 @ 75%

I partnered with Alex. He’s tall and good at math. I am neither of these two things. Given the negative criticism I received from Michael Kelley last week, I was reluctant to lift 175#, 75% or 1RM, and I communicated this to him. He said, “Give it a try and see how it feels. If you can’t do the box squats with necessary speed, you can take weight off of the bar.” I had him observe quite a few sets, as he’ll only coach me when requested. Because he’s fat. He confirmed that I was completing the lifts with correct form and with speed by saying, “Good job, Paul.” Uhm, that’s it, Michael Kelley?

Speed Dead-lift
8×1 @ 55% + band

Again, I was reluctant to lift 185#, as last week Michael Kelley said the bar was getting caught above my knees. I once again requested that he observe, and once again he said, “Good job, Paul.” Oh, yeah, I used the green band. (Speed dead-lifts did feel much better today than last Friday. Perhaps I should rest on Thursdays.)

Back Squat
3×8 (70-80% 1RM)

Michael Kelley began by saying, “Attempt the first set at 80%. If that weight feels too heavy or if you can’t complete the set, reduce the weight.” I put 180# on the bar. In the not so distant past, that was my 1RM. I completed the first set. While the last couple of reps felt difficult, at no time did I think I wasn’t going to be able to complete the lift. “Michael Kelley,” I asked, “should I keep the same weight?” He replied, “How did the first set feel? If you think you can do another set with that weight, do so.” “Will you watch me squat and make sure I’m squatting deeply enough?” I asked. He did, and confirmed that I was indeed squatting deeply enough. Michael Kelley,” I asked, “should I keep the same weight for the last set?” He replied, “Was the second set harder than the first set?” “Of course it was, Michael Kelley,” I replied. “Shouldn’t it be?” He said, “If you think you can do another set with that weight, do so.” And that’s what I did. I was very much out of breath when I completed the last set, and just may have seen stars and felt like I was going to pass out.

3 Rounds
15 Hang Power Cleans, 55% 1RM P. Clean
15 Burpees

As my 1RM power clean is a mere 135, I put 2, 15# plates on the bar.

My goal was to do all rounds unbroken. I won’t make you wait in suspense – I achieved this goal.

What made this metcon challenging was that I had to use a fat bar, as all of the regular bars were taken.

I felt compelled to take off my shirt, and to roll down the band of my shorts, i.e., a “cheerleader” roll.

Seventy-five pounds felt light the first round, heavy the second round, and very heavy the last round. As I love, love, love, LOVE burpees, I enjoyed this metcon immensely. I completed in 3:38, or about a minute and 14 seconds a round.

I finished the morning with 3, 60m 180# forward sled pulls. That’s the heaviest weight I’ve pulled to date. Add the weight of the sled, 10#, and it’s just 30# lighter than Michael Kelley. He’s fat. I may have already mentioned this. I completed 10, 20, and 30 GHD sit-ups after rounds 1, 2, and 3, respectively.

I then visited fellow 6amer, Chad, at Anderson Chiropractic. Chad is also a genius. After just two sessions, I see a remarkable improvement in the range of motion of my left arm. Most importantly, I’m not experiencing such excruciating pain. I can actually sleep on my left side, and I haven’t been able to do that for months! I love when he snaps my neck like a twig. And then snaps it again.

Tonight was core and nothing but core. I completed 4 x 25 banded Abmat sit-ups. For me to say that they were painful means, well, that they were painful. I completed 5 x 10 unbroken toes to bar, and then 10 weighted toes to bar. I don’t much like weighted toes to bar.

I practiced headstands while Michael Kelley tapped my feet, calves, thighs, quads, and junk while I maintained the position.  In other words, he was throwing me off balance to see if I had enough core stability to remain upright. This was quite challenging as well.

I finished the day with 3 x 10 banded GHD glute ham raises. There are no words. I just hope I’m not allergic to latex, because if I am I’ll have an interesting band around my neck.

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