Pain-free snatches

After just one treatment, I can notice a significant improvement with the range of motion in my left bicep and shoulder. While not 100% healed, the pain has almost subsided, and today was the first day of lifting in as long as I can remember where I wasn’t in constant pain. Yup, it’s been that bad. Yup, I have an exceedingly high threshold for pain. Thanks for your chiropractic services, Chad!

It was a full house yet again at CFZ. I’m seriously considering attending an evening session. I’ll have to train the cats to sleep until 6. That might be an issue…

Olympic Lifting
1 Snatch Deadlift + 1 Hang Power Snatch + 3 Overhead Squats
7 sets, up to heaviest weight, rest 45 seconds

Uhm, yeah, so like I lifted in my spot; thus I couldn’t easily see the whiteboard. I distinctly remember asking Burt the number of reps, and I distinctly remember him saying, “One, two, three.” I completed one snatch dead-lift, two hang power snatches, and three (or more) overhead squats. I checked with Michael Kelley this evening, and he confirmed that he had “changed things”.

I asked Michael Kelley the heaviest weight I should attempt, and he said, “Eighty pounds.” When I asked why he said, “Because I’ve seen you comfortably overhead squat eighty pounds.” My goal, then, was to complete the series at 85#, if for no other reason that because Michael Kelley thought I couldn’t.

I completed sets at 45, 65, 70, 75, 80, and 85#. I know that’s only 6 sets. I’m very good at math.

On quite a few occasions I asked Michael Kelley to observe my form, particularly the depth of my squats. He likes looking at my ass, as it is firm yet not bulbous, you know, unlike his. I was enjoying the attention so much that I completed 7 OHS at 80#. Hey, if he’s going to look then I’m going to perform.

Snatches felt awesome today. Read that sentence again.

1 Snatch, heaviest
10 Pistols
20 Bar Hops

Michael Kelley explained the scoring. I quickly lost interest, and decided that I wouldn’t even keep track of rounds. I decided upon 75# for snatches, and placed a 45# plate on a 12” box for pistols.

Again, snatches felt awesome, and Michael Kelley even complimented me on the speed of my snatch. I do snatches fast. Read that last sentence again.

I’m also pleased with pistols, in that I did not hold the toe of extended foot, and I did not alternate legs. Lateral bar hops are just plain damn fun, and I only wish we were required to do more than just 20.

As Amy and I were going at about the same pace, I asked her how many rounds she had completed and she told me 6. That sounds about right. I was 10 lateral bar hops short of completing a final round.

Weighted Planks 5 x Max Hold (at least 30 seconds), heaviest weight possible

As I used 80# just last week, my goal today was to use 90# and hold for 60 seconds. Michael Kelley was kind enough to place 2, 45# plates on my back while looking at my ass. I held the plank for 70 seconds. When I asked Michael Kelley to place the plates on my back once again, he said, “You need to go heavier. The weight wasn’t heavy enough if you were able to hold it for more than a minute. Hold this plank for at least 30 seconds.” He added a 15# plate for a total of 105#. Timmy was directly in my line of sight. “Timmy,” I proclaimed, “I’m holding 105 pounds on my back. Are you impressed? I eventually want you to be my best friend. That’s why I’m trying to impress you.” I held the plank for 40 seconds.

We were encouraged to rest a short amount of time between planks. I informed Michael Kelley that I could probably go a little heavier, and I asked him to grab a 5# plate. He said, “No, I’m getting a twenty-five pound plate.” And that’s what he did, placing the 2, 45# plates and a 25# plate on my back. That’s 115 pounds, bitches. I once again held the plank for 40 seconds.

Michael Kelly had constantly prodded someone to sit on my back for planks, so as folks were getting ready for accessory work I asked, “Do any of you females weigh 120 pounds or less?” Krista said, “I do, and I’ll be more than happy to sit on your back.” And that’s what she did. Michael Kelley then handed her a 15# plate to hold overhead, and he took a wonderful picture. Thanks, Krista!

Michael Kelley sent me a picture of his held plank with the lovely Mandi on his back. This is our exchange:
MK: 60sec @ 120#
PP: I don’t give a f@ck. It’s not a contest — or a level playing field. U r such a copycat. Hi mandi! Ur awesome! I hate u Michael Kelley.
MK: I was just showing u
PP: Showing off.
MK: How, u did the same
PP: I know it, u know it, the world knows it. That’s different. I’m allowed to. Because I’m me.
MK: Oh. Nvm
PP: I follow a different set of rules.
MK: I’ll never seek your approval again
PP: 2nite I will plank hold YOU for 60 seconds! That’s 220#.

This was only the beginning of the exchange. I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination.

I arrived at the box this evening after the 5:15ers had already begun to work. I completed 5 x 10 unbroken toes to bar and 50 GHD sit-ups. (Great job, Nathanael!) Using green bands through opening of 35# plates, I completed 2 x 200m farmer’s walk. That. Was. Tough. My fingers were tingling when I set down the plates after the second round.

You know where this is going, right?

“Michael Kelley,” I said, “come sit on my back.” Lux was kind enough to snap a few photos.  Michael Kelley couldn’t seem to remain still, and it was quite difficult to maintain the plank position. He had been on my back for about 15 seconds when I asked him to remove his fat ass. “No,” he said, “you have to hold the plank for sixty seconds.” Again, he kept moving about, and at one point wrapped his legs around my waist and was getting pretty damn close to my junk. I held on for the full minute. “Okay, you win!” exclaimed Michael Kelley.

He then weighed himself, and informed me that he weighed only 181 lbs. That’s 125% of my bodyweight.

Kabool asked, “How much weight should we be able to hold for the plank?” Michael Kelley replied, “Your bodyweight. Unless you’re, Paul.”

Like I said, it’s no contest, Michael Kelley, for I have abs of surgical stainless steel.

I do, however, need to lose about 5 pounds…


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