After a wonderful long weekend of vacationing, I worked out solo at CFZ yesterday evening. For perhaps the very last time, I checked in via Facebook. Almost immediately upon doing so, Michael Kelley posted, “Get out!” I replied, “Does this mean I’m fired? If so, this has been the best vacation ever.” I haven’t yet heard a definitive response, so I’ll assume that I’ve been fired.
Overhead squats and snatches
Form, form, form. I completed 5+ reps of snatches @ 65, 70, 75, and 80#, focusing on depth of squat, as this is something I’ve struggled with in the past. I recorded all lifts, and sent quite a few to Michael Kelley for his review. He says that he didn’t receive them until well after I sent them, and he blames the air. Yes, he blames the air. When he finally sent feedback, he began by focusing on all of the things that I did wrong. I quote: Arms bent a little early. Hips were not fully open. Arms shouldn’t bend til hips are fully open and you’ve shrugged. Try a snatch pull then, followed immediately by a snatch.
Wow, way to bring a man down…
His last message was: Depth and timing are much better.
Well, thank you, Michael Kelley, as that one positive comment more than made up for all of the negative remarks! Truly it did. I mean it. I’m now motivated to work on snatch form, and I can’t wait for the opportunity to do so. I mean it. Truly I do.
As fast as possible and with correct form complete 30 reps of the following:
Walking lunges with 40# dumbbell in each hand; front leg vertical to floor, back knee touches floor
30” box jumps; both feet landing completely on box and no resting on floor
Unbroken double unders
This was much more difficult than I thought it was going to be and much more difficult than it should have been.
I completed all reps of GHD sit-ups and walking lunges unbroken, and then things began to fall apart. For the most part, box jumps went well, although I had to redo 2 jumps as both feet did not land on box, i.e., my heels were off of the box. Uhm, double unders were a big hot mess, and it took me four attempts before I was able to complete 30 unbroken. Yes, four attempts. Worse still were pull-ups, as I completed in reps of 10, 5, 5, 5, 3, and 2. Huh? I also had to redo three pull-ups, as my chin did not go above the bar. Thus, a workout that should’ve taken me less than 6 minutes took my 7 minutes and 41 seconds to complete.
I arrived at CFZ this morning at 5:45 and was kind enough to unlock the box, open the garage door, select the Pandora playlist, and turn on the fans, including the Big Ass Fan. Michael Kelley arrived at 5:55 and the first words he said to me were not “Good morning” or “Thank you”; instead his first words were “The fan doesn’t need to be turned on this high during the morning hours.” I replied, “Good morning, Michael Kelley, and you’re welcome.” He’s the best manager ever. Best. Manager. Ev. Er.
Warm up, mobility, blah, blah, blah.
Low Bar Back Squat
Work up to 5 reps, heavier than last week
My goal was to lift 185#.
There were far too many people in attendance this morning; thus, we were asked to share a rack. I offered to do so numerous times, yet no one took me up on my offer. Perhaps they thought I wasn’t sincere?
Here are, in order, the people (of the regulars) I would be more than happy to share a rack with and the reason why:
Michelle and Claire (tied) because they are both awesome
Lauren because she’s awesomely strong
Timmy because he’s Timmy
Thomas because I can’t think of a legitimate reason not to
Here are, in order, the people I would not be more than happy to share a rack with and the reason why:
Chad, John, Burt, and Alex because they are all too damn tall
Michael Kelley because he’s fat
I lifted 5 reps @ 155, 165, and 185, although the reps at 185 didn’t happen like I planned. I know, I know, I’ve done this before…
I thought I had placed 45, 15, and 5# plates on the bar for a total of 175#. I had mistakenly left a 10# plate on the left side of the bar. I felt no difference when lifting, and was surprised when Alex, Michelle, and others noticed that the bar was leaning to my left. Thus, I lifted 185# for my last, albeit, uneven set. I called it a day.
Michelle had earlier informed me that she had “called” me for partner glute ham raises, and I was delighted that she had. Nice progress, Michelle, even from just last week! We both did 3 sets of 8 reps. I focused on not merely pushing myself off of the mat, but instead continuing to engage my firmly and incredibly cute glutes and hamstrings.
Power clean(s), 80% of 1RM
Perform 1 power clean the first round, 2 the second, 3 the third, etc.
My 1RM for power clean is 145, so I put 115# on the bar. I (along with Alex) positioned myself at the far end of the box in front of the garage door. Just before we began, Michael Kelley said, “Make sure you’ve chosen a weight for the power cleans that’s challenging. You shouldn’t be able to do even three unbroken.” I looked at him and said, “I’m going to be doing many more than three unbroken.” I was lifting 90% of 1RM. Was I to have lifted 90 or even 100%?
This was a surprisingly fun workout, even though I had done V-ups just two days ago and I’m usually not very fond of power cleans.
Just after completing three unbroken power cleans, I made eye contact with Michael Kelley and said, “That’s three.” I did the same after rounds of four, five, and six, of course saying “Four”, “Five”, and “Six”. He happened to be watching me when I was doing the round of seven – as I failed the final lift. He smiled. There are no words to describe my thoughts and feelings regarding this behavior. Oh, wait, there are: You are an asshole, Michael Kelley. To make matters worse, I failed my seventh lift of the round of eight, and once again Michael Kelley smiled. To gain pleasure from my failure speaks of your character, Michael Kelley. Is it any wonder I hate you so?
The only positive thing I can say about you is that you were kind enough to remind me to push my hips back when I’m doing power cleans. I have this vivid mental image of you in my mind when I do power cleans, and as your ass is so big it’s difficult for me to distinguish when you’re pushing your hips back or merely standing upright. Also, given how huge your ass is, is it even necessary for you to push your hips back? I’m surprised you don’t fall on your ass more frequently. With that being said, I can only imagine that it doesn’t hurt when you fall on your ass. You probably bounce. Like Tigger.
I completed 8 rounds + 7 power cleans.
Michael Kelley and I exchanged sexts this afternoon regarding the possibility that I might coach a 5am session, ending in this exchange…
MK: You’re my #2
PP: Uhm, who’s #1?
PP: Makes sense. You’re my #7.
PP: You’ve gone up 1 spot.
Training for the 2014 Games has begun in earnest; thus, I arrived at CFZ at 5:30 tonight for my first accessory workout. My VFF (Very Fat Friend), Michael Kelley, was kind enough to share some programming with me.
3 rounds of pulling backwards facing toward and away from sled
This is the first time I’ve used this particularly type of sled, so Michael Kelley was kind enough to demonstrate. His belly jiggles like a bowlful of jelly when he did. I sometimes feel the urge to poke his belly.
Michael Kelley determined that the distance would be to the bushes by the sidewalk and back, roughly 50m.
I put a 45# plate on the sled, pulled it, and determined it was too light. Michael Kelley said, “Add a 25 pound plate.” He said this as I was adding a 45# plate for a total of 90#. This was fun, exhausting, and exhilarating! I enjoy trying new skills, and this was particularly enjoyable.
Michael Kelley then said, “Next is core. Do four rounds of 25 GHD sit-ups and 10 wall balls, using the 30 pound slam ball. No, wait, we’re doing ‘Fran’ tomorrow, so don’t do wall balls.” “Michael Kelley,” I said, “I was planning on resting tomorrow. I’m definitely not doing ‘Fran’.” He rolled it eyes as if to say, “You’re doing ‘Fran’.” He then said, “Do four rounds of 25 GHD sit-ups and 25 GHD back extensions.” So that’s what I did.
GHD Back Extensions
4 rounds of 25 reps
I did the first and last rounds of sit-ups and back extensions unbroken, and the second and third rounds in reps of 25 and 10. As the rounds were not timed, I didn’t push myself, and all 200 reps were good. Not a false story.
As I was leaving Michael Kelley said, “Westside Barbell programs slide pulls on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Saturdays, so if you’re doing them tomorrow do at 60% of today’s weight.” I replied, “Good. I can do that instead of ‘Fran’.” He rolled his eyes yet again.
Just you wait, Michael Kelley. Just you wait.