A whole lotta burpees

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As Michael Kelley asked me nicely, I opened the box today at 5:45am, and Lauren and I were the only two present. Luke was waiting patiently in the car until Doggie Village opened at 7. (All windows wide open and temperature just 72, so he was fine.)

I had already decided to do tomorrow’s strength today so that I could rest tomorrow, and had communicated this to Lauren. Michael Kelley arrived at 6:15, and said, “Luke growled at me.” I replied, “Like father, like son.” (Why were you there this morning, Michael Kelley? Why? Why?)

As he was writing on the whiteboard and inappropriately touching himself I said to Lauren, “Let’s see how long it takes Michael Kelley to say something about me doing front squats. Stupid Michael Kelley.”

Front Squats
2 – 3 warmup sets, then 3×3 @ 75% of 3RM

I warmed up with 5 reps of 45, 95, & 115#, and then 3x5 (oops) @ 150#.

Michael Kelley observed (unsolicited, I might add) set @ 95#. I was intentionally going as deeply as I could and then exploding to the top. After I racked the bar he rolled his eyes. I asked, “What?” He said, “You’ll see when you look at the video. You look like Alex.” Alex squats very deeply. I also squatted deeply today, but again, I did so intentionally.

Yes, I did record all reps. No one can argue that I’m not breaking parallel. True story. Lifts felt light and solid, as they should have.

When I was completing one of the sets @ 150#, Michael Kelley approached and said, “You know we’re doing front squats tomorrow, right?” I said, “How long did it take him to say something, Lauren?” I then said, “I’m doing the WOD today because I’m resting tomorrow.” Michael Kelley rolled his eyes and asked, “Does that mean you’ll coach the 6am class for me?” “No,” I immediately responded. Selfish Michael Kelley.

High Bar Back Squats
2 x 3 @ 65% of 20RM

I completed 2 sets of 10 reps @ 115#, and lifts felt exceedingly easy. Each and every squat was well below parallel.

I had originally planned on doing an AFAP today, but as Lauren was doing a 15-minute AMRAP I decided to do the same. This is an original (if there is such a thing), and I don’t recommend it.

15-minute AMRAP
3 burpee chest to bar pull-ups
6 burpee box jumps, 24”
9 burpee KB dead-lifts, 52#

Yup, a burpee before each and every rep. I expected burpee chest to bar pull-ups to be the most and burpee KB dead-lifts to be the least challenging, respectively, but the opposite was true. My goal was to do all reps unbroken, and I achieved this goal.

Below is a list of quite random thoughts I had during the met-con:

I certainly understand why I used to be called “One-Pace-Paul”, as each and every round is just about 2 and a half minutes. Why don’t I feel the need to slow down?
I’m glad I chose 24” box jumps, as I don’t think I could jump 30” today. Smart move, Paul.
Why the hell do kettle bell dead-lifts feel so heavy? It’s only 104 pounds.
I think I might be drooling. I’m glad there’s no one here to see.
Maybe I should consider coaching at Lifetime. I’m good with beginners, and I think I’d be successful. I should talk it over with Jeff and see what he thinks.

I completed 6 rounds + 3 chest to bar burpee pull-ups & 2 box jumps; 21 burpee chest to bar pull-ups, 38 burpee box jumps, & 54 burpee KB dead-lifts. Uhm, 113 burpees total.

I was to have coached a group of newbies from my place of employment, but due to a late start and heavy traffic, I had to unfortunately tell them it wasn’t going to be a possibility. Jeff was to have joined us, and I phoned him on my commute — my 75- instead of 30-minute commute. As he was there, he and I completed the WOD I had planned for the newbies, although modified to be more challenging.

But first, that gym was hot, and Michael Kelley insists upon keeping the gayrage (spelling intentional) closed. He moved the fan to the front of the box so as to at least move some cool, air conditioned air into the space, and then selfishly stood in front of the fan. I said, “Move your fat ass, Michael Kelley. Why does it suddenly smell like vagina in here?”

Every minute on the minute for 10 minutes:
3 chest to bar pull-ups
5 burpees
10 air squats 

I know, I know, more burpees. I completed all rounds within 30 seconds.

Grand total for burpees = 163. That’s a whole lotta burpees.

I also provided coaching on rowing for Will, double unders for Burt, and muscle ups for Thomas. Michael Kelley is a show off. I was merely demonstrating stringing together muscle ups when he had to jump on a set of rings and do the same. Is it any wonder why I hate him so much. So very, very, very much. Very.

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