Whether you’re a mother or whether you’re a brother…

I had every intention of arriving at the gym at 5 and doing today’s WOD before coaching said WOD at 6. Alas, that did not happen, as my sleep has been disturbed by the absence of Jeff and the presence of two very needy cats. I had informed Michael Kelley that I might very well do the WOD at 5:15 pm, as I would be in that neck of the woods picking up Luke from his third day in a row at Doggie Village.

Michael Kelley attended the 6am session, along with Lauren, John, Chad, and Alex. Thus, I had the opportunity to observe the WOD before actually doing. I will admit that this was somewhat anxiety producing… So much so that I decided to not wait until this evening and instead to do the WOD solo. (I’m taking a “day” of vacation and spreading it out over this and next week, so I didn’t feel the least bit guilty about arriving at work an hour late.)

When I coached and when I completed, the clock counted down from 30 minutes.
5-minute AMRAP
Rest 2 minutes
12 minutes to get maximum weight ground to overhead
Rest 3 minutes
8-minute AMRAP
2 muscle ups
2 power cleans (90% of G2O)
30 unbroken double unders

My only goal was to not reinjure left bicep. For the double unders, if you failed before reaching 30 you had to begin again.

I completed 82 burpees. My strategy was to stay calm, cool, and collected, and I did just that. I completed no less than 10 burpees at a time, with the exception of the last round when time ran out, and I rested no more than 4 seconds between rounds. Burpees felt easy, perhaps even too easy. I probably should’ve set a goal of at least 90 if not 100. Next time…

I changed into my weightlifting shoes during the 2 minutes of rest, and actually didn’t start lifting until 30 seconds into the 12 minutes. I lifted 95, 105, 115, 125, 135, 145, and then 150, completing all lifts as power cleans. I felt a slight tweak in left bicep, so I stopped at 150. (I’ve been icing my bicep all day.) I had about 4 of the 12 minutes remaining, so as to not cool down too much I replaced all of the plates except those I would need, changed back into my Inov8s, and set up my jump rope and the rings.

My heart was pounding – not because I was winded, but because I was very, very anxious. I thought, “What if I can’t get muscle ups today? What if I hurt my arm doing power cleans? What if I can’t get 30 unbroken double unders?” Sheesh.

I was elated that I completed all rounds of 2 muscle ups unbroken, all rounds of 2, 135# power cleans unbroken, and, with one caveat, all rounds of 30 double unders unbroken. Michael Kelley had entered the box at the start of my last round of double unders. He batted his eyes, and my heart when pitter-patter. I began with a single under! I always begin double unders with a double under! This shocked me so much that I stopped, and then started with a double under. Thirty double unders presented the least challenge. I like my new Rx jump rope! I did focus on keeping my right arm closer to my body, and I could picture and hear myself saying to Chad, “Slow is fast, slow is fast.” (Thanks, Chad!) I completed 6 rounds + 2 muscle ups and was this close to getting in 1 power clean.
Scoring:  Burpees + (G2O/bodyweight)x100 + completed reps (each round = 34 reps)

82 + 103 + 206 = 391

I wore my awesome new Zeal socks. Thanks for the gift, Michael Kelley and Tom L.! I truly enjoyed this WOD. It was certainly different than most any other WOD I’ve done.

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The Edge of Seventeen

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Most of the usual suspects, sans Paul A. and Michelle, attended this morning’s session: Heather, John, Chad, Lauren, Rex, and Kristin. Michael Kelley arrived wearing his new Zeal socks; thus, he was dressed in shades of red, black, and grey from head to fat ass to toe. He could not have looked more gay girlie handsome.  

We warmed up with “Spiderman”, high knees, airplanes, and running backwards. I was the last to begin, and the last to start the next warm up activity: 15-12-9 OHS and double unders. I was, however, one of if not the first to complete OHS and dus. Pick up the pace, bitches.

The following conversation took place between MK and PP, with both what I and what I can only imagine MK were thinking in italics.

MK: Your overhead squats look good. I’m so wonderful for teaching you how to squat correctly! Please thank me, and tell me how handsome I am.
PP: (Silence.) Michael Kelley wants me to acknowledge him. I shan’t.
MK: Aren’t you going to say anything? I just said your overhead squats look good. Please acknowledge me, Paul! I am nothing without you.
PP: Yes, they are good. Why does Michael Kelley think he deserves all of the credit? Aren’t I the one who’s actually doing the damn squats? Jack and Coach S. also deserve some credit. What a baby.
MK: Yes, they are good. You’ve really improved. Is that all you have to say? Praise me, Paul! I will spend the rest of the day crying if you don’t give me at least some credit.
PP: (Silence.) You are sooooo needy, Michael Kelley. Bat your long eye lashes all that you want. If you’re nice, I’ll treat you to dinner one night this week. Oh, and you’re fat. I forgot to think that.

I focused on ensuring that I used a snatch grip, that I shrugged my shoulders, that I pointed the “pits” of my elbows toward the sky, and that I didn’t allow the bar to come forward of vertical from hips and feet. Yes, I’m only using a 45# bar. Form, consistency, and then intensity. While completing the set of 9 I actually thought, “I’m looking forward to an overhead squat series.” Oh. My. God.

Low Bar Back Squat
2-3 warm up sets
5 @ 60% | 132/135
5 @ 65% | 143/145
5 @ 75% | 165
5 @ 75%

I asked Michael Kelley if we should do any warm up sets, and he said, “Don’t you already feel warmed up?” Thus, I began with 5 @ 60%. I wasn’t feeling particularly strong today, but all sets nonetheless went well. As Michael Kelley was engaged in what I can only imagine was thought-provoking conversation with my fellow CFers, he didn’t observe a single set.

3 pull-ups on the minute for 10 minutes.
If you hit all 30 last week, increase extra weight or reduce band help. If you did not hit 30, try to hit more total reps at the same resistance.

While I only “hit” 29 pull-ups last week whilst wearing a 10# weight vest, I nonetheless increased weight to 12#. (Wouldn’t “achieved”, “were successful in completing” or even “got” be better than “hit”? What was Michael Kelley thinking when he composed this description?)

I was successful in completing all 30 reps, although it sure was tempting to kip.

20 DB or KB Walking Lunges
10 Toes-2-Bar

Uhm, it’s nearly impossible to do walking lunges with kettle bells, as it would be far too easy to rest the KBs on the floor. Thus, I used 40# dumb bells. Yes, my left arm is still somewhat hurts, so I substituted toes through rings for toes to bar.

This was one of the most miserable met-cons that I can recall. I did complete all rounds of toes through rings unbroken. The DB walking lunges were a bitch. I did the first 2 sets unbroken, the third set in reps of 10, the fourth set in reps of 10, 6 & 4, and the last set in reps of 10. I completed 4 rounds + 20 walking lunges + 2 toes through rings.

My forearms were throbbing, so much so that even putting them away was painful. By the way, 80# is 56% of my bodyweight (and 36% of Michael Kelley’s).

Press? I don’t mind if I do!

Yesterday was a rest day of sorts, although I did run with the CFD endurance athletes and hold a variety of planks along with CFDers. In fact, I held a 5-minute continuous plank with various holds, e.g., one-armed, one-legged, fingertips, jumping, etc., and also did tabata planks with both the 10 and 11 groups. (This might explain why my lats were a wee bit sore this morning.) I was also able to spend a few minutes on downed person carry. Jamie seemed to enjoy it the most (and Kim the least?). She insisted that a picture be taken of her carrying me.

Michael Kelley posted on Facebook that today was going to be a light day. I thought he was referring to his monthly visitor. It appears that most everyone but me, i.e., the weak people like Michael Kelley and Paul A., are still sore from completing 100 pull-ups, pushups, sit-ups, and air squats this past Saturday.

4×5, using 85% of last weeks 3RM (You forgot the apostrophe, Michael Kelley. Last week’s 3RM. Possessive, not plural. Sheesh.)
rest 2 min between sets

As I was unable to press last week (or over the last few weeks [plural, not possessive]), I have yet to establish true 3RM. As I am finally able to press with far less pain than in the past, I instead worked up to a moderately heavy weight, doing sets of 5 reps of 65, 75, 85, 95, and 105#. Michael Kelley observed my awesomely cute ass last set.

Part 1
Row 20 cal in fewest strokes possible x 3…
rest only as long as it takes to alternate with partner(s)

Part 2
3×30 unbroken KB swings…heaviest possible

I crushed teamed with Paul A. I rowed 20 cal in 25, 22, and 21 strokes. I completed KB swings using 35, 44, and 52# KB. Lauren noted that I’m favoring my left shoulder.

I then took Luke to Doggie Village. He immediately began wagging his tail was we pulled into the parking lot, waited very impatiently as I put on his leash, ran through the open gate as soon as he entered the lobby, and I then watched him run the length of the building to the back door, where one of the employees was holding the door open for him so that he could run outside and play. It warmed my heart.

When I picked him up this evening, the employees let me know that Luke had been on puppy duty all day. It appears that he loves playing with the puppies, and as he’s so gentle it’s very good for their socialization. I should ask for a discount. Ha!

Angie, baby, you’re a special lady.

Uhm, I didn’t post yesterday, and I did skill building on Thursday. Here goes…

Thursday morning, with the lovely Lauren present, I practiced double unders with my new Rx 1.2mm jump rope. I recorded myself, and discovered that I look like Nemo, as he had one fin shorter than the other. I’m quite surprised I don’t jump in circles. Take a look, and be prepared to laugh.

I then practiced box jump overs – with a (literal) twist. As coordination and accuracy are 2 of the 10 CrossFit skills, I’d like to see this included in a WOD. Notice that I land squarely facing the box, and that I jump from wherever I land. ‘Twas also fun!

I did not complete “Grace” yesterday, as my left bicep and shoulder were still hurting. I hate Grace (the WOD, not my sister) almost as much as I hate Michael Kelley.

Strength, Part 1 (Michael Kelley, thanks for including “Part 1”!)
High Bar Back Squat
2 warm-up sets
5 @ 60% | 125/130
5 @ 70% | 147/150
5 @ 75% | 157.5/160
5 @ 75%

As this is a de-load week, squats felt kinda sorta easy. I like that.

Strength, Part 2
Front Squat
3 Reps on the minute x 7 minutes, heavier than last week

As I didn’t do last week, Michael Kelley told me to FS about 65% of 1RM. That’s my bodyweight + 2 lb, i.e., 145#. My goal was to complete all sets of 3 reps in the same amount of time, and I did so in about 10 seconds each set.

We next practiced OHS, and I’m pleased to report that my form has improved. Even Michael Kelley said so, and he’s not one to give compliments – unless he’s complimenting me for my tights abs and/or ass.

I did 10 handstand pushups and called it a day.

Today I attended the 9:30 and coached the 10:30 session.

100 pull-ups
100 pushups
100 Abmat sit-ups
100 air squats

The last time I completed this WOD I did so in a time of 16:17. I wanted to beat that time. I did not. Why, you ask? Read on.

Paul A. informed me that he wanted to go head to head, and at one point I even considered giving him a 5-minute head start and then attempting to catch him. Paul A. did set up his pull-up station directly across from me, so that he could keep his watchful eye (the one that’s not glass) on me.

The clock counted down and we started. I completed 15 unbroken, paused briefly, and then completed quite a couple sets of 10. I was keeping count in my head, but also felt compelled to coach. Must. Stop. Coaching. When. WODding. After recommending that my fellow CFers reposition their hands, I jumped on the bar and thought, “Is this 61 or 71? Have I done 60 or 70? Better to go conservative. 61, 62, 63, 64, 65.” How do I know that I did an extra 10? Because I am certain that I was completing more pull-ups – and faster – than was Paul A., yet he completed 100 when I still had 10 to go.

On a side note, I tore my hands, including the palm of my left hand, and the last 25 or so pull-ups were miserably painful.

I completed remaining activities in the nice, cool outdoors. Pushups got progressively more difficult. I began with 35, but by the end was doing 2 or 3 at a time, with a quick  restbetween sets.

I positioned the Abmat to begin sit-ups and could feel Paul A. looking at me with his good eye. Yes, I could feel him. I think I heard him say, “Paul’s already starting on sit-ups. He’s so much stronger than I am. And smarter. And much better looking. No wonder my wife loves him so much.” I did 50, 25, 15, and 10, standing up between sets and shaking out my legs in anticipation of what was coming next.

On another side note, I wore a pair of skimpy running shorts so that there would be less material to ride up my ass. I helped, and I’d do it again, bitches.

I positioned myself so that I could see the clock. I knew as soon as I began air squats that I wouldn’t be able to beat my time, and was already angry with myself for having done an extra 10 pull-ups. I did air squats in reps of 50, 25, 15 and 10 as well. My time was 16:52.

“Angie”, “Cindy”, and “Chelsea” are my favorite benchmark WODs.

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Uhm, if I’m going to be questioned about my coaching abilities than I shall quit coaching. If I correct your form it’s because your form needs to be corrected — not because I want to argue with you. And feel free to bring it up with my manager.

My favorite color is orange.

What an exhausting day. I arrived at CFZ just after 5am, as Darren hinted that he might join me for today’s main site WOD: Run 800m, 10 sets of 10 ring dips and 10 pull-ups, run 800m. Alas, he did not appear, and later posted that while he had every intention to do so, he couldn’t pull his lazy ass out of bed. I’m paraphrasing.

Unbeknownst to me, there was a robbery going on behind CFZ, and it appears my early arrival scared off the criminals. True story.

I tried a few ring dips. My left arm hurt. I decided to focus on strength instead.

Front Squat
5 @ 50% | 110
5 @ 60% | 132/135
5 @ 70% | 154/155
3 @ 75% | 165
2 @ 80% | 176/175

I didn’t feel as strong as I have in the recent past, but lifts nonetheless went smoothly. I recorded myself from a front instead of side angle to ensure that my knees were tracking correctly. Michael Kelley viewed and confirmed that they were. Not that he knows what he’s talking about.

I then coached the 6am session. Speaking of Michael Kelley, he attended and (somewhat) participated. He promised he would do exactly what I said, and for the most part he did. Good boy, Michael Kelley! He did, however, have a tendency to want to coach over me. Uhm, so did Paul A. I put a stop to that.

As this was one of the few instances when I was able to do so, I joined Jeff at the 5:15pm WOD, led by Michael Kelley. I helped a newbie get her first double under, and Michael Kelley got jealous. I’m doing it for the box, Michael Kelley. I truly am. I’m not doing it because I hate you. I truly do.

Full Squat Hang Clean
5 x 3

This may have been the very first time I’ve ever consciously shrugged my shoulders and dropped quickly under the bar. Huh? Why not until now? Lifts felt awesome, even if I went light. I did sets of 95, 105, 115, 120, and 125.

Athletes did “Jackie”, but after a few attempts at 33# thrusters, I knew I wasn’t going to be joining them.

MK: What are you going to do?
PP: I can design my own WOD, you know. I’m thinking box jumps, dead-lifts, GHD sit-ups, and maybe kettle bell swings.
MK: Oh, like you haven’t done that in the recent past.
PP: Okay, then, how about squats?
MK: Do this: 1K row, 30 bodyweight back squats, 30 dead-lifts, and run 1K. If you can do pull-ups, add 30 of them.

And that’s what I did.

I rowed 1K in 3:44. The back squats, even though merely bodyweight, i.e., 145#, felt heavy. I completed in sets of 5, alternating low and high bar. Dead-lifts also felt heavy, and I completed in reps of 10, 10, 6 and 4. Pull-ups felt miserable, and I completed in reps of 10, 5, 5, 2, 2, and 1. I did, however, make sure my chin was well above the bar. Running was even difficult. What a workout! I finished in 16:25.

I have missed the longer WODs.

My new jump rope arrived in the mail today, so I’m anxious to give it a twirl tomorrow!


Go, go, go, go, go, go!

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I finished The Hungers Games. Awe. Some.

My sleep was disturbed last night, as Luke once again slept with his head on my chest, Meg slept on my belly, and Zac slept on my feet. I could hardly move. My dreams were also somewhat disturbing, perhaps due to The Hunger Games. I’m hungry.

I arrived at CFZ at 5:35 so as to allow enough time to stretch. I was lying (not laying) face down on the floor rolling my quads when Michael Kelley (I refer to him as MK when I’m mad at him) arrived. Without even a “hello”, he plopped down on the floor (within kissing distance) and sheepishly asked, “Are you going to coach tomorrow morning?” Uhm, don’t I coach every Wednesday when I’m in town? “I’m a responsible adult, Michael Kelley,” I replied. “I would let you know if I wasn’t going to coach. You may, of course, coach in my stead if you’d like.” He blathered on and on about how he needs a vacation, wah, wah, wah. I suggested that he close the box on Sundays, but he refused to listen. Most CFs are closed on Sundays, Michael Kelley. I said, “I’m not going to be doing the fundraiser Saturday the 21. How about if I coach both of the sessions and you lead the Community WOD? It would be good for you, since you own the box and can better answer any membership questions that are asked.” “No. You’re better at the Community WOD than I am,” he replied. Uhm, was that a compliment? I then suggested that regulars either attend the Community WOD or vacate the premises, as having open gym (that’s never been announced) as the Community WOD is taking place can be quite disruptive. (I’m talking to you, Thomas.) Blah, blah, blah, wah, wah wah. I may have to open my CF.

I am in the process of composing the 10 Commandments of CFZ. First commandment: Do Not Contradict Michael Kelley.

Fight the urge to max out and stick to the percentages EXACTLY as written. We will be maxing out all lifts in 2 weeks.
Low Bar Back Squat
2-3 Warm-Up Sets
5 @ 60% | 132/135
3 @ 70% | 154/155
2 @ 80% | 176/175
2 @ 90% | 198/200
1 @ 95% | 209/210
1 @ 103% | 126.6/127

PP: How much time do we have?
MK: Take about 15 minutes.
PP: If we’re lifting such heavy weight, shouldn’t we rest at least 2 or 3 minutes between sets? If it’s just 2 minutes, that’s 10 minutes of rest.
MK: We’ll see how much time it takes.

Time ran out well before I began my last set. Just saying.

I recorded last 4 sets, and confirmed that I was squatting deeply enough. The rep at 210# felt heavy. I started the video prior to the last lift of 227 and said, “I get so scared of lifts at this weight.” I then whispered to myself, “Scary!” I took my time positioning myself under the bar. I stepped away from the rack, took a deep breath, pushed my ass back, squatted, and rose. As I was coming out of the hole (that sounds dirty) Michael Kelley yelled, “Go, go, go, go, go, go!” Even though it was just a brief moment, I thought, “Go where, Michael Kelley?” I placed the bar back on the rack and said, “I had it, Michael Kelley.” “I know,” he replied. “I was just cheering you on.” Cheering? Since when do I need a cheerleader? Next time bring your pom-pons. (Many people refer to as pompoms, and this annoys me.)

So, like, that’s like yet another PR. By 7 pounds.

Strength, Part 2 (Shouldn’t LBBS above be “Part 1”?)
3 Pull-Ups On The Minute x 10 Minutes

I had overlooked the pull-ups while reviewing the whiteboard. I asked, “We’re doing pull-ups?” Michael Kelley replied, “We’ve done pull-ups the last 2 Tuesdays. You would know that if you had been here.” He gets so jealous when I visit CFKoP.

I kept a watchful eye on the clock and was usually the one to count down. I also said, “I don’t want to contradict Michael Kelley, but I was instructed by a coach at another box that you should avoid using too much chalk on your hands when you’re doing pull-ups.” I didn’t use any chalk. None. No. Chalk.

I put on a 10# weight vest and completed 29 pull-ups, missing the last rep of the round of 8. Did my left bicep hurt? Hell, yes. Do I care? Hell, no.

1) AMRAP 3 Minutes
Wall Ball

I used a 20# wall ball and completed 63 successful shots and 3 misses. The misses don’t count. I completed as many as 25 and as few as 10 reps at a time.

Rest 1 minute

2) AMRAP 4 Minutes
1 Toes-2-Bar
1 Burpee
2 T2B
2 Burpee
3 T2B
3 Burpee
4/4, 5/5, etc. until time runs out

Uhm, the clock read 6:58. That certainly doesn’t leave enough time for a 4-minute AMRAP. From this moment forward I am going to use the following acronym: TMMK. Can you determine what it stands for?

Michael Kelley instead informed us that we could do 2 rounds of max reps toes to bar. I chose to do toes through rings instead. I didn’t ask him if I could, for fear of contradicting him. I completed 30 and then 25, all unbroken and kipping.

April Doldrums

I coached at CFD yesterday, and was pleased that 4 attended the Endurance WOD: Britt, Chris, Jamelle, and Kristen. Single unders, 200m sprints, and power KB swings. Fun, fun, fun. I then coached the 10 and 11am sessions. Dave, I began with the partner WOD, and there was little time left for box jumps and broad jumps. I’m sorry! I truly enjoyed coaching, and the athletes seemed to enjoy the workout that I developed.

I had to force myself to set aside The Hunger Games late last night so as to get some much needed rest. I will admit that I feel like a teenaged girl – not because I’m reading the book, but because I’m enjoying it so much. Sigh.

I expected my abs to be sore yesterday and/or today after completing 80 GHD sit-ups this past Saturday. They aren’t. My hip flexors, however, are very, very tight – as they should be.

I arrived at CFZ at a very dark and early 5:30 and spent much time on mobility and flexibility. Uhm, my bicep/shoulder injury seems to have worsened in one regard: I can’t press. This became apparent when I attempted to press a 45# bar and was unable to get the bar even up to eye level. I wasted time setting up and putting away the rack. MK asked, “Still hurt? What will you do instead? How did handstand pushups feel Saturday?” So many freaking questions… I informed him that HSPUs felt fine. He suggested negative HSPUs. He then went on and on about how smart he is for suggesting. I quickly lost interest and stopped listening. I completed reps of 3 using 25 (2″), 45 (3″) , and 45 + 25# (5″) plates. I recorded, and discovered that I need to focus on not hyper-extending. I’m much more likely to do so as I progress through a set.

3 Rounds
200m run
X Ring Dips
200m run
X KB Swings
200m run
X Hang Power Snatches

X: On the first round for each movement, you will perform as many unbroken repetitions as possible. For rounds 2 and 3, you will perform the same number of repetitions for each exercise (in as many sets as necessary).

I looked at the clock and it was about 6:47. I knew it would be difficult to finish the workout as truly prescribed within 12 minutes, particularly since it included over a mile of running, so I quickly established one goal: Complete first 2 rounds unbroken; thus, I wouldn’t do any movement to failure. As I was sharing rings with Chad, I completed r-arm 35# kb snatch, rings dips, and then 52# American KB swings. I completed 20, 15, and 25 reps rounds 1 and 2, and broke snatches into reps of 14 and 6, ring dips into reps of 10 and 5, and KB swings into reps of 15 and 10. I completed the workout in 16:47.

I’m experiencing one of my “uninspired” phases, and may take a week or two off from CrossFit.