I rested yesterday; thus I merely needed to demonstrate and not do inverted burpees. Speaking of yesterday, I think I may have temporary or permanent memory loss. While demonstrating dumb bell thrusters I said, “Be sure the barbell starts from the floor each rep.” I heard a collective “That’s a cluster!” And then my brain froze. I could not imagine, let alone demonstrate, a thruster. Huh? Fortunately the 6amers were forgiving, and Lauren was kind enough to demonstrate. Michael Kelley should fire me as a coach. He really should. Do it, Michael Kelley. Do. It.
Michael Kelley sexted me at 5:16 this morning.
MK: You’re working out today, yes?
MK: Couldn’t sleep…I’ll be there.
PP: It’s what I live 4.
MK: Sleep? Or my fat, but still attractive face?
While commuting to CFZ I witnessed some idiot obviously texting while driving. The idiot was swerving all over the road and they almost ran a red light. As I approached them I thought, “What idiot would drive a white Equinox?” Oh, that’d be Michael Kelley. I passed him and he followed me to CFZ, just like a minion should.
Yes, I was graced by Michael Kelley’s presence this morning. I had to listen to him blather on and on about his excitement regarding WOD 12.5, how he had to get his car inspected today, blah, blah, blah.
My left bicep and shoulder, you ask? Some days are better than others, and today is not one of the better days. I attempted to merely hang from the rings and immediately felt pain. I attempted a ring dip and immediately felt pain. It’s come to the point that I imagine punching Michael Kelley in the throat with my right instead of left hand. It’s that bad.
I spent time improving mobility, and while PVC pipe rolling I said to Michael Kelley, “My hamstrings are killing me. What did we do recently that would cause this?” I truly couldn’t think of a single thing. Michael Kelley replied, “Uh, 55 heavy dead-lifts?” Oh, yeah, I had forgotten about that…
Today’s Paul prescribed strength was the front squat and my goal was to achieve a PR. After warming up, I did 5 reps @ 115, 3 @ 133 & 155, 2 @ 175 and 1 @ 185. Michael Kelley was, of course, watching my ass observing my form. He said, “One eighty-five looked easy. I’d put 205 on the bar and match your PR.” Sometimes Michael Kelley provides good advice. I put 205 on the bar – and truly struggled getting out of the hole. I nonetheless successfully completed the lift.
I put 2, 2.5# plates on the bar, increasing the weight to 210#. Michael Kelley said, “Do you want me to leave?” I said, “Yes.” It’s not that he makes me nervous, it’s that today (but certainly not every day) I didn’t really need him—or anyone—yelling “Up, up, up, up!” I wanted to get the lift on my own.
I was very nervous, and my heart was beating very quickly. I walked up to the rack, placed the bar on my deltoids, stepped away from the rack—and it just didn’t feel right. I put the bar back on the rack, repositioned my hands, stepped away from the rack once again, positioned myself, and thought “Don’t let your elbows drop. Don’t think that the weight is heavy. Don’t get caught in the hole.” I squatted below parallel, raised my hips perhaps an inch or so—and got stuck. I almost immediately gave up and dropped the bar. I was quite disappointed and said out loud, “Didn’t do it. That’s my last try.” I began to take the weight off of the bar, and even returned the 2, 2.5# plates. And then it happened. I did math: 2×10=20+15=35. I thought, “I should have replaced these plates with 35# plates.” And then I had this thought, “Put the weight back on the bar and give it just 1 more try.” So I replaced the 10 and 20# plates with 35# plates and retrieved the 2.5# plates. I even used the calculator on my iPhone to confirm that there was 210# on the bar.
I walked up to the rack. Stupid Michael Kelley Pandora was playing stupid Michael Kelley music, so I stepped away from the rack and pressed forward on the iPod until I found a song I liked, “We Found Love”. I stepped up to the rack, positioned the bar on my deltoids, stepped away from the rack, took a deep breath, and thought “Don’t let your elbows drop. Don’t let your back come forward. Don’t think of the weight as heavy.” I squatted, raised my hips just slightly more than I did the first attempt, got stuck in the hole, fought for it slightly longer than the first attempt, and then dropped the bar. I said an expletive. I felt completely defeated. I once again took all of the plates off of the bar. I thought, “Just give it 1 more attempt and 1 more attempt only.”
I started the recording and said, “Third and final attempt.” I stepped up to the rack, placed the bar on my deltoids, stepped away from the rack, and had a self-talk breakthrough. Instead of focusing on the negative, e.g., the “don’ts”, I remember to focus on the positive. “Keep your elbows up. Keep your chest upright. Drive with your legs as soon as you hit bottom. This weight is just a mere 5# heavier than what you just lifted moments ago. You can do it.” I squatted, struggled somewhat, but did indeed successfully complete the lift. When comparing 210 to 205, the heavier lift actually looked—and felt—easier! I did grunt, “Uhn” when I finally stood upright. And I smiled.
Michael Kelley was in the office surfing the web for porn uploading pictures. I showed him the recording and he confirmed that it was a good lift. He said, “I deserve the credit for your improvements in squatting, but I’m sure that when you blog about this later you’ll take all of the credit.” He knows me sooooo well.
I recorded the lift on the March PR board and took a picture. Michael Kelley said, “I like that my low bar back squat PR is on top of your front squat PR.” Michael Kelley, you’re not a top. You’re definitely a bottom. Just saying.
I was pleased that I ended the day on a positive note, and that I did not feel compelled to do a met-con. Michael Kelley said, “You front squatted 210. Isn’t that the same as your high bar back squat 1 rep max?” I hadn’t thought about it that way. I said, “Yes, it is. I suppose my high bar back squat weight should be heavier than my front squat, right?” “Uh, yeah!” said Michael Kelley as he, of course, rolled his eyes.
When getting dressed for work I noticed a red mark on the left side of my clavicle. Why only the left? .
Oh, I almost forgot to mention… I acheived my goal!
We have a new employee named Michelle Kelley. Her user name is mkelley. I’m trying not to hate her.