He couldn’t escape his redneck past.

Amuse me and allow me to discuss a non-CrossFit topic…

Last night Jeff and I saw Ben Folds in concert with the NC Symphony. Ben Folds is incredibly talented, and the show was spectacular. We had orchestra seats and from where we were seated I could easily watch Ben play the piano. The man has dexterity—and stamina.

Jeff and I arrived at 7:30 for the 8 o’clock start. Seated in the row directly behind us were three already very loud and drunk individuals, two brothers and a woman (who I don’t believe was related to and/or dating either and/or both of the brothers [yes, both uses of “and/or” are intentional]). One of the two brothers was exceptionally rude. He hooted and hollered (yes, hollered) very loudly, made inappropriate remarks about Sarah Hicks (the conductor), sang off-key or whistled along with most every song (even when he obviously didn’t know the tune or lyrics), and even, in a rare moment of silence, belched loud enough for everyone to hear—and then didn’t excuse himself. During one of the sing alongs, he basically screamed the wrong note. He was so loud and so bad that Ben ended the song and called him a douche bag. The only enjoyable part of this was that Ben then made up a song about this asshole, called “Single Douche Bag” (although I’m not sure if he made up the song on the spot or if he had it ready for any douche bag who happened to attempt to ruin his concert). To add insult to injury, a man seated directly behind Jeff had an obvious sinus problem and spent the entire concert snorting and coughing. No, he did not cover his mouth.

Listen, assholes, I know you paid good money to attend the concert. So did everyone else. For perhaps the first time in my life, I imagined acts of physical violence against someone. The thought actually crossed my mind, “Punch both assholes in the throat. It will be worth being kicked out of the concert.” It’s a concert hall, not an outdoor arena or a stadium.

Okay, now that I’ve got that off of my chest, on to today’s CrossFit workout. This should be brief.

Strength
High Bar Back Squat
2-3 Warm-up sets, 50-60%
2×5 @ 65% | 136.5/140
3×5 @ 70% | 147/150

As new brand spanking new 1RM is 210#, that’s what I based percentages on. Yes, I rounded up. Yes, I ended both of those last sentences with a preposition. Lifts felt easy, and I told Michael Kelley as much. He replied, “Wait until next week. The percentage goes up to 75.” Wow, Michael Kelley, a whole 5%? I’m sooooo scared! I did not record lifts—because I no longer need to as I’m confident that my form is good, bitches.

Midline/Skill
AMRAP 10
Turkish Get-Ups, Alternating
Focus on form and technique, not speed.

Michael Kelley asked me to demonstrate, and I did so. I performed one Turkish get-up using my right arm. However, when I came up to my left elbow I felt, you guessed it, pain. So I told Michael Kelley that I would not be doing Turkish get-ups. He said, “Do ring work or something.” He then had perhaps his only intelligent thought of the day and said, “Or you could help me coach Turkish get-ups.” That’s what I did. Keep your elbows locked, Heather. Make sure you land on your elbow before ending on the floor, Alex and Claire. Spot your opposite hand, Chad. Learn to read, Paul A.

Conditioning
For Time:
45 Kettle bell Swings
45 Double Unders
35 KBS
35 DU
25 KBS
25 DU
15 KBS
15 DU

I knew I wasn’t going to do American swings. (As an aside, this morning a co-worker informed me, and I quote, “I hate all Democrats.” Wow, just wow. That’s quite an overgeneralization.) I settled on a 52# KB, and as the (very smelly) box was crowded, I set up my KB just outside of the gayrage (spelling intentional) door. I placed my jump rope beside the pull-up rig, where I had just enough space to complete dus. Michael Kelley said, “As we only have 10 minutes left, complete as much work as you can in the next 10 minutes. No one will complete this met-con in under 10 minutes.” Uhm, have I mentioned that Michael Kelley SUCKS AT TIME MANAGEMENT? My only goal was to complete the workout in less than 10 minutes.

I completed the rounds of 45 and 35 KB swings unbroken, round of 25 in reps of 15 and 10, and round of 15 in 10 and 5. It hurt.

I must remember to warm up double unders. I completed the round of 45 in reps of no more than 15. Ugh. Fortunately, I completed all remaining rounds unbroken.

My time was 6:42. Yup, that’s less than 10 minutes.

I feel like punching someone in the throat. I stopped by CFZ before I picked up Luke from Doggie Village this evening. If there hadn’t been any witnesses, I would’ve done it.

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