138 Squats

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Michael Kelley led this morning’s session. I’ve been spending far too much time with Michael Kelley. I request that someone stage an intervention. There were 6 in attendance, including yours truly, Chad, Lauren, John, Rex, and Heather. Michael Kelley led us through mobility using a lacrosse ball. It. Was. Painful.

There was much curiosity regarding the conditioning workout. Michael Kelley informed us that he had written on pieces of paper a variety of activities, and that we would each have an opportunity to pull a piece of paper from a bucket. He asked if we wanted to do so before or after the strength workout, and I immediately responded, “Now!” I was the first to draw from the bucket—wall ball. I exclaimed, “F@cking wall balls!” Who the hell wants to do 5 minutes of wall ball shots after LBBS and FS? Certainly not me. That’s a large quantity of squats. We were allowed to trade, but I had no interest in rowing for calories, doing TGUs, or doing L-sits, the only 3 activities that appeared to be up for grabs. Chiropractors are sneaky.

Today was a heavy lifting day…

Low Bar Back Squat
10 @ 50% | 105#
8 @ 65% | 140#
6 @ 75% | 160#
4 @ 85% | 180#
4 @ 90% | 190#

Yup, it’s Tuesday so that’s LBBS day. Yeah! I recorded all sets (with the exception of set of 10 @ 50%) to ensure that I squatted deeply enough. I’m pleased to report that I did.

PP (holding iPhone in front of Michael Kelley’s face and making him watch recording): Look at how deeply I’m squatting, Michael Kelley.
MK (rolling his eyes): Remember when you used to post videos of your squats and I would say that you weren’t squatting deeply enough? Can you see the difference? Other coaches would say that you
were squatting deeply enough, but I knew that you weren’t.
PP: Yes, but other coaches are much better kissers. Michael Kelley, your ass is incredibly huge. I bet your junk is inversely proportional to your ass.

Squats felt solid. Yes, the last set of 4 at 190# (132% of bw) felt heavy, but not unmanageable. Michael Kelley didn’t even have to molest spot me.

Front Squat
5 @ 70% | 145#
4 @ 80% | 165#
3 @ 85% | 175#
3 @ 90% | 185#
Barbell Bent Over Row
4 sets x 5 reps, 100, 115, 125, & 130#
Perform Front Squats, rest 45 sec. Perform Bent Over Row, rest 60 sec. 4 Total “rounds”

Uhm, yeah, so Michael Kelley sucks at time management. Thus, he directed us to not rest between FS and bent over rows, and to only rest a minute before beginning next round of FS.

FS did feel heavy by the third round. I dropped too quickly the first rep of the last round and my elbows touched my knees, and Michael Kelley made sure to remind me of this error. I hate Michael Kelley. Thank you, Michael Kelley. I struggled with the very last rep, but did manage to complete the lift successfully. I’m that frakking strong.

Bent over rows felt much lighter than they have in the past, and I wish that I had had the opportunity to add more weight to the bar. Michael Kelley did remind me to arch my back. I said, while bending over and slapping my own ass, “Like this, Michael Kelley?”

Unknown Test: 5 Minutes

As mentioned, I had chosen wall ball. My goal was to complete a minimum of 100 wall ball shots, using a 20# wall ball.

We were just about to start when I noticed that 4 rowers had been pulled from the wall, and that Lauren, Heather, John, and Rex were seated in the rowers and ready to begin rowing for calories. Chad had chosen double unders. Huh? How did that happen? I don’t think there was as much randomness as I had been led to believe.

I completed 25 unbroken wall ball shots in 53 seconds, rested 7, and then no longer concerned myself with number or reps of amount of rest. I completed remaining wall ball shots in reps of no less than 10. That 20# wall ball started to feel like it weighed 50#. I felt a slight tweak in my left bicep, but the pain was manageable. I completed 100 shots and there was still 7 seconds remaining. I completed 1 last wall ball shot and called it a day. Total = 101. I’m pleased. Karen shall be my bitch.

I was (surprise, surprise!) sweating profusely.

MK: “How many did you get?”
PP: 101.
Lauren: 71.
PP: I’m winning!
Heather: 69.
PP: I’m still winning!
John: 85.
PP: I’m winning!
Rex: 66.
PP: Still winning!
Chad: 56 double unders.
PP: I win, bitches!

I’m as strong as I am modest. That’s really, really strong.

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