Maximum Minimus

Rich led today’s session, and the focus was on my new, orange, New Balance Minimus trail running shoes with Vibram soles. As Shayne and I discussed, CrossFitters are obsessed with shoes. So, many women, most gay men, and all CrossFitters are obsessed with shoes. Rich, Mats, and I all wear a size 8.5, so I was kind enough to allow Rich and Mats to wear my shoes for a test run. The consensus is that the shoes are awesome! I’m the first of the men to own a pair. My people are trend setters. I’m a fan of the Nike Free, and this shoe is right up there in terms of fit, comfort, and style. Did I mention they are orange? Orange is my favorite color. By the way, Bull City Running is the place to purchase, and tell Jim and Kason (actually Kim and Jason, but I always say Jim and Kason for whatever reason) that I sent you. 

There were many in attendance at the 9 am session, including Max and Audrey, Mats, Amy, and Punky. Rich walked us through a warmup consisting of the inchworm, burpee broad jump, high knees, and ass-kickers. (Remember, Amy, that ass isn’t going to kick itself!)

Michael Kelley was also there, and he hugged me again. He even said he missed me. Sickening, isn’t it? He’s so needy.

Workout – Max rep push-ups

Perform 1 push-up every 5 seconds. You must hold your hollow/plank position at the top between pushups – any break in your back, butt up, or knees down to rest and you’re done!

Punky positioned himself at a 90 degree angle from me, so that he could keep an eye on his competition. (Mats, you’re no competition.) About 3 minutes, i.e., 36 push-ups, into the workout, Punky’s core started to shake, he started to sweat, and he began making Max DAL noises. The shit-talk began.

Me: Punky, you’re starting to look weak.
Punky: (Silence.)
Me: You’re shaky, Punky. 
Punky: (Silence.)
Me: You’re going to fail soon. 
Punky: (Silence.)
Me: Look, Punky, I’m doing this push-up 1-legged!
Punky: (Silence, but he did finally look in my direction to confirm that I did actually perform the push-up 1-legged.)
Me: You’re weak, Punky!
Punky: (Silence, but he did attempt a 1-legged push-up.)
Me: You might as well give up, Punky.
Punky: Arghfstr. (At least that’s what it sounded like to me.)

Punky finally gave up at about the 3.5 minute time, i.e., 42 push-ups. I continued.

Me: I could do this all day, ladies and gentlemen.
Amy: Do a clapping push-up this time!
Me: I’m stopping at 4 minutes

And that’s what I did. Yes, I could’ve continued and completed more than 48, but everyone knows I’m not one to show-off. I pride myself on my humbleness and humility. 

Upon completion, I stood up and proclaimed, “The Gay wins yet again!” 

For time:
40 wall ball shots, 20 lb wall ball, 10′ target
30 walking lunges holding sandbag on shoulders, as heavy as you can handle (for me that was about 65 lbs)
20 burpees
30 walking lunges
40 wall ball shots

This was grueling, yet invigorating. I looked around the room and could sense that both Punky and Mats thought they might be able to win this one. Ha! I completed the first round of wall ball shots in reps of 30 and 10. I was the first to begin lunging, but both Punky and Mats weren’t that far behind. I had more difficulty getting the sandbag over my shoulders than I did lunging, but did complete set (and next) of walking lunges unbroken. I was still neck and neck with Punky and Mats. Burpees, how I truly love burpees! I quickly completed all 20 unbroken, dropping team Munky-Pats. Yes, the second set of walking lunges were far more challenging, as were the last set of wall ball shots, completed in reps of 15, 12, 7 and 6. I was NOT the first to call time, as that honor goes to Audrey! I was the first man to call time at 5:35. I didn’t say it, but I certainly thought it: “The Gay wins yet again!”

I was spent at the end of this metcon. I nonetheless caught my breath and cheered for Amy and assisted a new attendee, Paul, with his last set of wall ball shots.

I spent the next 10 or so minutes answering questions about the Minimus, and even called Jim/Kim to see what colors and sizes she had in stock. It appears that I’ve become Bull City Running’s pimp. By the way, the colors are orange/black (AWESOME!) and yellow/black (look too much like a bumble bee, IMHO).  

I was just getting ready to teach Michael Kelley a thing or 1000 about running when Jack asked if I would be his counter for WOD #1. I had been so during his first attempt, and had posted on Facebook that I would be honored to do so today – but he didn’t reply so I thought he’d prefer someone who wasn’t so emotionally invested in the outcome. I was pleased that he asked me to do so today, and he improved his score rather dramatically. If I recall correctly, Jack completed 5 rounds + 15 power snatches + 12 (or more) double unders. 

The 10 am class arrived, and I just couldn’t resist… I joined them for the workout. I was bound and determined to make it past 4 minutes, and my goal was 4:10, i.e., 50 push-ups. It was far more challenging the second time around. Imagine that! At about the 3.5 minute mark Rich said, “I’m going to explain the metcon as Paul continues with his push-ups.” I chuckled, and almost lost form. I stopped at 4:30, i.e., 54 push-ups, for a total of 102 push-ups for the day. The 10 am class was kind enough to give me a round of applause. I need the encouragement, because I’m so humble and modest. I truly am. 

I had postponed having to spend time with Michael Kelley (never “Mike”, never just “Michael”, always “Michael Kelley”) for as long as I could, so I finally told him I was ready to help him with his “running”. I put running in quotes because Michael Kelley plods more than he runs. Jack joined us. We ran an easy 800m, stopping for drills, including running 1o steps striking heels and then 10 steps landing on forefoot. Michael Kelley and Jack then ran another 800m, and I observed form and provided coaching. Jack is already showing much improvement. Michael plods, and he has very slow turnover. Here’s a comparison of the three of us.

PLOD                  PLOD                   PLOD                   PLOD                   PLOD
Michael Kelley
Strike          Strike         Strike         Strike         Strike         Strike         Strike 
Step     Step     Step     Step     Step     Step     Step     Step     Step     Step

Paul “posing”
I was hungry, so I got a double cheeseburger from King’s Sandwich Shop. Anna and I discussed the man, the myth, the person who puts both “i”s in idiot, Stew. Anna said, “I call Stew an ass to his face.” I replied, “I call Stew an ass to his ass.” Little did Anna know we were both talking about Stew’s face. 

3 thoughts on “Maximum Minimus

  1. paul, love it, you make me laugh! i was actually thinking as i was reading the beginning of this blog how my feelings were kind of hurt that you never talk about me, and then, what do you know, you talk about me. yay! glad i made it into the infamous blog finally 🙂 i'm sure i'll see you tomorrow, we can continue our discussion then

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